Happy Allerzeilen!!! Tales From Halloweentown!! 8 Days left until the Dead rise again

Green Acres

I live in a small city on the Hudson River just north of NYC. It is an area know as the Hudson Valley and in our area the Hudson River narrows dramatically, creating  the only Fjordland area found in the US outside of Alaska. It is a beautiful area of New York, with the softly rounded green low lying mountains forming a natural channel for the broad majestic Hudson. We have magnificent views, and there are many boat excursions where many tourists from around the world pass by our shores. There are also some strenuous rocky hiking trails with scenic vistas on both sides of the river.

One of my friends and I used to joke that in our little town, it was Halloween every day. I do like things that way, mind you. My old barber used to discuss this issue with anyone who would listen. Often outsiders would come in for a haircut, and they would have questions. There were many theories tossed around, UFO's, LSD use in the 60's, the Nuclear Power Plant on our southern borders. It may be the legendary 1992 meteor fragment that hit the trunk of a Chevy Malibu on Wells street and is now in the Smithsonian Institute.

Maybe it's the bitter Dutch ghosts of Henry Hudson's crew, 17th century tourists to the area. Most of the World is familiar with the writings of Washington Irving--he is one of the Hudson Valley's great legacies. His home Sunnyside is a historic site in Irvington, a Village that bears his name. Even though Rip Van Winkle is set in the Catskill's, I like to imagine that I might run into some tiny drunken Dutchmen in bowling shirts while I'm out on a hike, if not in a local bar.

When I was younger I used to imagine what I would do if I was Ichabod Crane and had to fend off a Pumpkin Headed spectre on a horse. The Old Dutch Cemetery is in Tarrytown, to our South. My area is also the setting for the magnificent epic novel World's End by famed contemporary novelist T.C. Boyle which is set in both the 17th and 20th century. There are still traces of our early Dutch heritage here, most notably in place names, Cortlandt, Fishkill, Peekskill, Spuyten Duyvil, Verplanck, Da Bronx. In the 19th century my hometown was a major manufacturer of iron stoves, but the rumors that the Dutch Oven was invented here have no historical founding.

But there are phantasmagorical stories that abound, beyond ordinary human understanding. When I think of Halloween I think of the gibbous moons, brisk eldritch weather and fiendishly bright foliage of my own stomping grounds, not the sunshine, palm trees or bayous of more temperate vistas. And I honestly believe that we have a pretty fair stake as a Halloween Mecca. In Nyack, they have an annual Halloween Parade. For us it seems a little redundant. For instance, this is our High School mascot. That's right, Big Red himself.

You Will Read This Blog

You don't think its a coincidence that our high school has won so many State basketball championships, do you? Seeing professional athletes thank Jesus after victories does get a little tiring after all. How, I ask, does someone in a city of 20,000 get elected Governor or get to star in a children's television show with their own Playhouse? And all the H.P. Lovecraft tales set in my hometown have mysteriously disappeared.....

But on to my story. This is a true story, not an urban legend like the old apple with a razor blade in it bit. You can't make up things like this.

A number of years ago a couple was handing out candy to the trick-or-treaters on a Halloween evening. The wife, for some reason, took her dentures out and left them on a table near the front door. At some point in the evening, there must have been a stressful moment, when many costumed children were at the door with bags, waiting for their candy. At this hectic instant, the husband must have grabbed a bunch of candy, and in doing so also grabbed his wife's dentures. Later that evening, his wife could not find them anywhere.

The next morning the man was on the radio, gave an account of their Halloween misfortune, and urged any child who might have found dentures in his trick-or-treat bag to please return them--I think they even posted a modest reward. Obviously, buying new dentures was an expense and inconvenience they did not want to incur. I just hope that the unlucky youngster did not mistake them for candy teeth and unwisely put them in his or her mouth.

It must have been a heartwarming moment when the costumed kid came home, checked out all his loot and found such an unexpected treat. If I was going to do a Halloween version of the film A Christmas Story, I would definitely include this delightful scene. Unfortunately I never heard whether the teeth were returned to their rightful owner. Though they do say that on clear nights with a full moon in October, local citizens have seen spectral ghost teeth mysteriously and Gogolianly wandering the streets of our quaint downtown, searching vainly for their lost mistress....A frightening horror story for around the campfire, particularly if you are a dentist.