At Home He's a Tourist, Part 4: Maybe Jonathan Swift was right.....Gulliver's Travels Part 4

I recently finished reading Gulliver's Travels, the satiric tale by the great Jonathan Swift. I had been a fan of Swift since I was a child, watching Gulliver's exploits in Children's movies and cartoons. Of course the novel is not a child's book at all. It is very much a book for grown-ups.

And the movies did not get to the third or fourth journeys. Only Big G and sometimes Big G and Tiny G. Even worse,  I feel sorry for the moviegoers of today who only know Lemuel Gulliver from the recent movie where Jack Black portrayed the big man. Not his best moment, particularly his little dance to "War" at the end.

Some would call Swift's novel a thinly veiled screed directed at his political enemies, a form of literary vengeance.

I would rather like to believe that the novel is in fact a thinly veiled screed against the human race. Or Yahoos, as they are called in Houyhnhm land. Which is a place where (in Swift's words)....

I enjoyed perfect health of body and tranquillity of mind; I did not feel the treachery of inconstancy of a friend, nor the injuries of a secret or open enemy. I had no occasion of bribing, flattering or pimping to procure the favour of any great man or of his minion. I wanted no fence against fraud or oppression; here was neither physician to destroy my body, nor lawyer to ruin my fortune; no informer to watch my words and actions, or forge accusations against me for hire: here were no gibers, censurers, backbiters, pickpockets, highwaymen, housebreakers, attorneys, bawds, buffoons, gamesters, politicians, wits, splenetics, tedious talkers, controvertists, ravishers, murderers, robbers, virtuosos: no leaders or followers of party and faction: no encouragers to vice, by seducements or examples: no dungeon, axes, gibbets, whipping-posts, or pillories: no cheating shopkeepers or mechanics: no pride, vanity or affectation: no fops, bullies, drunkards, strolling whores, or poxes: no ranting, lewd, expensive wives:no stupid, proud pedants: no importunate, overbearing, quarrelsome, noisy, roaring, empty, conceited, swearing companions: no scoundrels, raised from the dust upon the merits of their vices, or nobility thrown into it on account of their virtues: no lords, fiddlers, judges, or dancing masters.

I think Swift's problem may have been that he kept his feelings bottled up. But maybe a world run by horses could be a Utopia. I may be wrong but as far as I know we haven't tried it for years.

I think Swifty was on to something. I'm not talking of course about Lemuel Gulliver's Third Journey, the flying island, where he makes fun of scientists (philosophers) and other modern intellectuals. We already have the Tea Party.

I'm talking about the 4th journey, to Houyhnhms land. The land ruled by talking horses.... But maybe a world run by horses might be a Utopia after all.

These days most ordinary Americans no longer trust their governmental leaders. Many people believe a female president would do a better job as President, and I would not necessarily disagree. Certainly other nations are way ahead of the curve with this.

But perhaps it might be even better to look to another species. I do believe most of us would trust a talking horse. Maybe even more than they would trust Ronald Reagan. Many  A talking horse would be electable in the United States. Think of how many hits cute animal videos get on YouTube.

And America has had a long love affair with talking horses.....and and an even longer love affair brown-nosing celebrities...

TV's The Famous Mr. Ed.......
 

See, a horse with glasses is a brainy horse. You can't tell me Sarah Palin's trainers didn't glean some ideas from 1960's television.

 

 

Don the Wonder Horse from Hot to Trot

I would pick a stock picking horse over a stock picking baby any day. A stock picking baby needs a good exorcism.

So we celebrate the lives of two Patriotic Americans, trailblazers for their species. Their hard work and perseverance has paved their way for America's next greatest hope, today's generation. Perhaps these highbrow horses emigrated from Houyhnhm land and therefore were unable to hold political office in America. Or maybe or nation was just not ready yet, not open minded enough. Today, however,  is a different story altogether.

 

American Beauty

Yeah, that what I'm talking about. The eloquent, fun-loving, hearty-partying talking horse from the Empire Casino commercials in Yonkers! Aside from Mary J Blige and Ella Fitzgerald, he is probably Yonkers' biggest celebrity. Definitely a dude I could see myself hanging out with at a barbecue. You have to agree that it must be an awesome thing to enter a casino and get greeted by a real live horse. I am a bit concerned that I haven't seen him in many commercials lately. He may be in rehab--he looks he may have a cocaine-coated snout (a la Rob Ford) in the above picture. Maybe ran up too big a tab, maybe skimmed a few oats off the top.

Supposedly there was a contest to give him a name. I don't know how that turned out. Perhaps he cherishes his privacy. As a celebrity, I'm sure he doesn't want wackos hanging around his townhouse. Or perhaps he had to go into the Witness Protection Program and is working in a Deli somewhere in Indiana now. One day you are on top of the world, people buying you free hot dogs at Nathans, and the next day they're giving your regular table away at X2O.

I think we should give this a shot. Last presidential cycle, the Republican primary was run like a reality show. This feels like the next winning concept. I think I can smell a ratings bonanza. Or something similar....


I say we name him Morty.