Birthday Celebrations Part II: Goobers Volume I--Worst Children's Album

I'm listening again to this Cd I purchased on a whim a while back. If you have read some of my earlier posts, you may know that the best children's ever came out in Iceland, Abba Babb!, put out by Dr Gunni and friends. Though all the words are in Icelandic, there is a giddy universal exuberance and delight that transcends all linguistic boundaries. And yeah it rocks out, but in a way that will entertain children in the way all kids love jumping up and down on beds.

But Goobers Volume I, tonight's post, is from Jersey. I don't think there was a Goobers II.

Horton Hears A Spew

You immediately know something is up when there is a disclaimer on the back of the cover. It is music for "adventurous kids". For certain stretches on this album I questioned whether this is really a children's album at all. It all seems a bit too creepy, at times terrifying. I for one, am not someone who is a fan of pandering to tastes, but I feel a little protective toward children, and a lot of the music here does not seem to target that demographic very well.

Of course if there some children on your gift list you intensely dislike, or you would like to at least inflict some vengeance on disagreeable parents, this may just be the sonic voodoo doll you've been searching for.

Of course my favorite children's book of all time has a disclaimer on the cover today, but it didn't when it played a significant role in shaping my character and world-view. It was written of course by the beloved children's author Shel Silverstein, the author of classic kiddie fare like The Giving Tree and Where The Sidewalk ends.

From Whence it All Began.....

But the book I am talking about is Uncle Shelby's ABZ book, the Necronomicon of children's literature. The book that changed my life forever. Now they have to put warnings on the cover so that little Jimmy doesn't bury his brother in a big hole in the backyard, and his whiny parents start suing everyone. It was the most hilarious thing I've ever read and in my opinion the best thing Shel ever did, even better Anyone Wanna Buy A Used Rhinoceros or A Giraffe and a Half. That Mansonesque picture of him on the back cover with a bunch of kids is priceless.

I had high hope for Goobers when I bought it; I thought that it might in fact be a really cool record for kids, and in an inventive unmawkish nondumbed down style. But most of the music does not cut it. I'd some about a quarter of the music is suitable.

Some of the music I like: Magician Penn Jillette does a funny extreme gross-out song that kids would like called Great Green Gobs, about eating Gopher Guts and things like that. Foo Foo Heads do a decent inspirational rapping number, Just Be You. Genuine Diamelles do an a capella take on The Underdog Theme. Quite excellent.



Scotland's Pastels reprise Daniel Johnston's Speeding Motorcycle, which is perfect for a kids album. Big Butter does a whimsical tune, People Animals and Plants, which is pretty delightful.

Raymond Scott, the legendary cartoon songwriter, does Beautiful Little Butterfly, which is off the beaten path a bit, and is that expansive something that could get a child interested in hearing new things. Fiction Friends' Jump Jump is not half bad either. But of the rest?



A lot of it is pretty creepy, like the Space Negros doing Vigor the Ice Man. Hank Von Schpa's Ma Ma Do is just something I would never play a kid. Auto Sapien is a good concept by the Panther Burns, but just not executed very well. Only A Mother lullaby has nice strings, but the lyrics are old timey vicious. The Tinklers Mom Cooks inside is another fairly unpleasant tune. Buzzard Baits Horsey Horsey, is weird and repetitive. Daniel Johnston's Pinny Pinny is also not a great thing for kids to hear.

Of course, the icing on the cake is the track by Foetus, an artist that I love. Part of the reason I got this album was because JG Thirwell was making a contribution. And he does not disappoint. His song, See Dick Run, is one of the best ones here, but as they say "it's 10 PM, do you know what your children are listening to"? A song guaranteed to inspire years of therapy. That song would probably cause Raffi to spontaneously combust. Barney shredding white noise for the whole family to enjoy. It makes you wonder where G.G. Allin was when they recorded this.

In my view kids are a lot smarter than adults give them credit for, so I think that a lot of the stuff marketed for kids is pretty soporific, with some notable exceptions. On this album it seems that either people weren't trying hard, or they threw this together pretty quickly. Or maybe Goobers is just a phony record for kids. Either way, I was hoping for something a little better here and I guess I was a little disappointed.

But a disclaimer is just a warning, not a condemnation. My Uncle Shelby was a damned genius.